The Constant Drowning
by shegal92
Summary: Through the centuries, they drowned in their own guilt over their separation; he for his cowardice, and she for being with another man against her will. Requested by tfbl: How would the scenes in S2 E4 play out if Belle took Milah's place as Rumple's wife and Bae's mother? AU, obviously.


Disclaimer: If I owned anything, then you'd probably see it in the show, instead of on a fan website.

"Did you have a son?"

Rumplestiltskin continued to turn the wheel, silent.

"I saw some clothes up in one of the rooms, small like a child's. Was the boy yours?" He wished she'd just learn to leave him alone while he was spinning at his wheel.

Refusing to be ignored, Milah came around to face him, stooping down and glaring through the spokes. He wasn't sure why he had bothered with her anymore; the more he looked at her the more wrong she looked.

"Yes," he said simply, not looking up from the straw between his fingers. Milah snorted.

"You mean a woman let _you_ between her legs long enough to conceive?" She was always trying to get his goat, channeling her resentment into harsh words.

She had been the one to offer herself to him, he wanted to remind her. Practically thrown herself at him in the tavern in the absurd hope being with him meant adventure. He had never promised her that, and besides…the Dark Castle wasn't going to clean itself.

"Or I guess she didn't have to comply… She just needed to be still enough for the task to be done," Milah continued.

Rumplestiltskin shot her a glare, warning her. He would not tolerate such things said against Belle.

Milah smirked, sensing that she had finally hit a nerve.

"I don't see her around… Did you kill her after she gave birth? Devour her like a spider devours their mate?" She grinned, "No, that's not it… She left you, didn't she?" Rumplestiltskin tensed, "She took her first opportunity and _ran_…and abandoned her son."

Milah tried to scream as she was slammed against the wall, but his black fingernails dug into her throat so she could scarcely breathe. She was forced to stare at his inhuman eyes, his enraged features.

"She didn't leave me," he snarled, hot breath on her face, "She was _taken_ from me, and I failed her. If you _ever_ speak of her again, _I will kill you_. Understood?" Milah tried to nod. He threw her to the ground and she gasped for air, "Excellent," he hissed, returning to his wheel, "Now go be useful, you miserable squealing sow."

He'd have to do a lot more spinning now to forget Milah's ignorance.

**The Crocodile**

If Rumplestiltskin could begin to tell his tale, it would start with "once upon a time". _Once upon a time he had been nobody, another face in a sea of peasants. Then, a fairy without wings came into his life, and made him feel for the first time that he was somebody._

He hobbled back from the fields as the sun set, a basket full of freshly sheared wool in hand. He'd have a lot of work to do with spring upon them, burning the midnight oil, but it would be a profitable year.

"Belle, Bae, I'm home!" He called.

Bae was sitting alone at the table, staring at the door. He glanced around, but he didn't see or hear Belle.

"Where's Mom?" He asked. Bae sniffed.

"Some men came up to her outside of the tavern. She told me to go home." Rumplestiltskin didn't like the sound of that…

"…go get your cloak, Bae."

_Once upon a time, there was a crippled wool spinner named Rumplestiltskin, utterly unremarkable in every single way. A remarkable thing had happened to him the day he went to fetch water from a well._

The docks' lanterns were lit by the time the pair made it to the seaside town that neighbored theirs. Belle liked to come down here sometimes to watch the water. Today she had taken bay to watch the tradeships come in and look at their wares. Wares Rumplestiltskin couldn't afford, but Belle insisted that she was content with just looking at.

There was a group outside of the tavern, ringed around like wolves preparing for a kill. They were laughing and jeering, goading their Alpha on towards the little lamb in the center.

"I know you can speak; I heard you tell that boy to go home. So why won't you talk to me?"

Rumplestiltskin felt nauseous as he recognized Belle in the center, her dark blue cloak wrapped tightly around her. Her head was bent; most of her face obscured by the hood, but it appeared as though her eyes were shut.

The man reached out and forced Belle's chin up. Her hood fell off and her eyes opened to reveal a death glare. The man's mouth puckered into an "oh" and the gang chortled.

"My my, you have a fire in you, and beautiful as a flower… A tiger lily, perhaps," he said and the group murmured their agreement.

"Belle."

All eyes turned as Rumplestiltskin spoke. He was surprised at how steady his voice was, perhaps because he was only staring at her. Belle had whipped her head around at the sound of his voice, and he saw the sweet look of relief as she saw him.

"It's time to go."

The leader smirked, sizing up Rumplestiltskin.

"Who's this?"

"Her husband," Rumplestiltskin informed him. He felt his legs tremble, and prayed they couldn't notice. The man chortled.

"Barely tall enough to be considered a man…" He glanced between the two of them, "Now what on earth is a woman like _you_ doing with something like _him_?" Belle glared at him with an intensity that made every other man, even Rumplestiltskin shrink back.

All except for the man, who looks at his Belle as if she was a large buck waiting to be shot down.

"Mama?"

Belle turned towards the voice of her son, fear etched into her face. She shouldered past the men and turned her back on their leader, wrapping her cloak around Baelfire and hugging him to her as she started off soundlessly back down the path.

_While he drew his bucket up, the most beautiful woman in all the realms came up. Upon seeing her he fumbled and dropped the bucket back down the well, making the woman laugh. The sound was like the flutter of fairy wings. Rumplestiltskin was struck dumb, unable to do anything but try and refetch the water. Here was the woman that had every marital prospect in the whole village and most surrounding villages, whose future looked bright and promising as a sun rise…trying to talk to him._

_ She told him her name was Belle. He had never heard such a perfect name in all his life._

"I'm scared, Rumple." As plain as the words were, there was no fear in Belle's voice as she spoke them. Just a simple fact.

Rumplestiltskin glanced up for the tea he was pouring. She was lying in their bed, staring at the door as if expecting the group to come in. He frowned, getting to his feet.

"There's no reason to be. They're just docking for a little bit and then they'll be gone… It's not the first time a drunkard's come up to you near the tavern."

He walked over and offered the cup to her. She shook her head, eyes not leaving the door.

"You didn't see his eyes… Like he wanted to devour me. Like he'd do anything to touch me…" She shuddered.

He reached out, resting a hand on her leg.

"Just stay inside tomorrow and wait. I'll tell you when they leave."

Belle didn't look convinced, instead taking out her book to read in the dim light of the fireplace.

_He had nothing to offer Belle except a decent living, a roof over her head, and a heart full of love. Her father disapproved, but Belle paid him no heed, marrying Rumplestiltskin in her best dress with just the priest as a witness. He cried when he gave her the ring of bronze, wishing it were gold._

"_You can't just spin gold from straw," Belle insisted, gazing upon the ring with the adoration of a fine piece of art, "Besides…anything from the heart is priceless."_

_ Their wedding night he presented her with a noblechild's lessons book, a thing that had cost him two months' salary and plenty of begging. The tears in her eyes and bright smile were worth it, though. She had wanted to travel the world but he had no means for that; he had heard once that reading could take anyone with an imagination to anywhere they wished to go. He explained this to her and she cried harder, kissing him with a terrifying ferocity. In a few months she had taught herself how to read._

Rumplestiltskin tried as hard as he could to run, stumbling constantly and falling once. He shook off the throb in his bad leg, his only coherent thought being that he had to get to _her_. He could see her on the outskirts of the village, thrashing like a beached fish, kicking and screaming and biting. The thugs just laughed and held on tighter and Rumplestiltskin _ran_.

He collapsed at the feet of their leader, the one who had taunted Belle's silence and ridiculed her husband. Rumplestiltskin stared up at him, and felt completely powerless as he smirked down like a condescending god.

"Apparently you aren't so handicapped that you can't run if need be," he mused.

Two burly men pulled Rumplestiltskin to his feet roughly. Belle thrashed even harder and they had to force a rag in her mouth to silence her. Belle acted as though she were fighting for her life. Rumplestiltskin trembled like a beaten dog.

"Lllleave her be," he whimpered. The man guffawed.

"_I_ haven't touched her," he insisted, gesturing towards the crew, "You might want to talk to them, though."

"We have a son," he pleaded.

"Yes, I saw that last night."

The man drew closer to Rumplestiltskin, and Rumplestiltskin couldn't look him in the eye, staring at his chest.

"I've sailed the world, seen a lot of pretty women… But I've never seen anything like yours. So pure, so innocent, so…_good_," he arched an eyebrow, "Her faithfulness is wasted on someone like you, a meager peasant that barely makes due. She deserves to have the world…something I could offer."

Belle's eyes brimmed with fearful tears.

"But, I'm not one to steal. I'll earn her from you."

Rumplestiltskin heard the dull thud of something thrown at his feet. He glanced down and tensed. A sword. It was a sword at his feet. He swayed in terror.

"Never been in a duel before, I take it? Well it's easy," The man grinned as he unsheated his sword, poking Rumplestiltskin in the chest; "The pointy end goes into the other person."

He had never been good at fighting; balance was key, and Rumplestiltskin was plenty short on balance. He had lost every fight he had been in, and he doubted this would be any different. He glanced at Belle, who was shaking her head furiously.

"Pick it up," The man growled.

Bae. If he lost, Bae would not have a father or a mother to care for him. Who knew if any of their neighbors would take him in, and it would not be the same. The man pressed the blade against his neck. Rumplestiltskin fought to keep the tears back. He could not leave Bae; he could not abandon their son!

The man in black scowled in disgust, drawing his blade away.

"A man unwilling to fight for what he wants deserves what he gets." He turned to Belle as he sheathed his sword, "Don't worry, love; you won't be tied to his cowardice any longer."

"Please…" Rumplestiltskin squeaked, but no one paid him any attention.

They started to move and Belle's fighting began anew. She twisted her head around, staring at Rumplestiltskin. A sob ripped out of him.

"I love you Belle!" He screamed, "I'm sorry!"

His last vision of his wife was her face, terrified and disgusted. She must hate him, hate him like everyone else, hate him because he was too cowardly to fight for her like a proper man.

_He had been drafted into the military. Belle sobbed when she found out, and he tried to be strong for her. All allusion of strength faded when Belle told him she was with child._

"_Promise me you'll come back for us," she begged. Unable to refuse her anything he could grant her, he promised he would._

_ He fled the battle in order to keep his promise. He was branded the village coward, but Belle was only mildly irritated at him._

"_I don't approve of you deserting a fight," Belle said as she slid his newborn son into his arms, "But I am glad my boy will have a father to look after him."_

"How's Belle?" He snarled, as toothily as his new moniker suggested.

Rumplestiltskin circled the man in black and he _feels_ like a crocodile, ready to tear chunks out of this captain for the pain he had caused. Rumplestiltskin was no longer the feeble wool spinner he had been when his beloved Belle was stolen from him…now he was a predator, bloodthirsty and enraged.

The man in black smirked, "Who?"

Rumplestiltskin longed to rip his throat out.

"Surely you remember…" He said, strolling. The crew was a lot more subdued now than when he had first encountered them. His lips curled back, "I mean, she _was_ something you'd never seen before. So pure, so innocent, so…_good_."

A flash of recognition registers on the man in black's face, and he frowned.

"She died," he said flatly, "Wasn't much of a sailor girl. Threw herself off the bow first chance she got."

Rumplestiltskin's being screamed in agony, howling at the news. His Belle…his beautiful little Belle…his perfect Belle… Somewhere at the bottom of the ocean because of what _this_ man had done. Rumplestiltskin had tried to comfort himself with the fact that maybe Belle had found happiness seeing the world, that she was at the very least content and well cared for. But even that shred of hope had been ripped from him.

She was gone. She wasn't coming back. Because he hadn't dared to pick up the sword that day and fight for her.

"Are you still up for a duel?" Rumplestiltskin queried. The man in black nodded, reaching for his hilt, "Oh not tonight… You want a clear head for a fight with me. I'll see you here, at dawn," he sneered, "And don't think about running out on me, or I'll gut every last one of your crew." The group collectively flinched. It'd be hard for the captain to sail his boat by himself.

Belle, I am so sorry, he thought as he spirited away. I am so sorry I wasn't strong enough to save you that day. But I will avenge you. I will not let this stand.

_Rumplestiltskin ran after they took off with Belle, begging his fellow villagers for aid to save her from her fate._

"_Why should we fight for you?" They all jeered, "You didn't fight for us, you sniveling coward?"_

_ So at the end of the day, he went home and true to his cowardly nature, lied to Baelfire and told him his mother had died. Sometimes it was better not to have hope than to be disappointed._

Rumplestiltskin played with his prey like a cat with a mouse, batting the man in black around and prolonging the inevitable. Finally with a swift motion Rumplestiltskin disarmed him and pressed his own blade to his throat. The man stared up at him, trying to look as noble as his position allowed. Rumplestiltskin still thought he looked pathetic.

"I'm ready for the end," he said through gritted teeth. Rumplestiltskin cackled.

"Oh no, a quick death is too good for what you did."

He crouched down, his blood boiling with the thrill of victory, of avenging a past hurt. His animalistic eyes stared into the other man's and even if he wouldn't show it, Rumplestiltskin knew that the pirate's blood was turning to ice. Thick clotted ice.

"Do you know what it's like to have your wife taken from you?" He hissed. He didn't wait for an answer, "It's like losing a part of you, a part you will never get back. Actually, it's like this."

With a flick of his wrist Rumplestiltskin severed the man in black's left hand. He cried out, and it was a lullaby to soothe the pain in Rumplestiltskin's chest. The sword returned to the man's throat, his own blood against his skin as he gritted his teeth. How lovely, there were tears in his eyes.

"The next time we meet, it'll be your right hand, and then your arm, and then your other arm, until you're a squirming torso and I rip out your heart!" He trilled, giggling like a school girl.

The man paled and Rumplestiltskin drank in his fear like a fine wine. He almost wanted to cut another part off right now, but he'd settle for knowing he could track the captain down whenever he was feeling low and chop off another bit.

He was already getting a taste for Killian Jones's flesh.

_Once upon a time, there was a man named Rumplestiltskin. He was happy, with a loving wife and handsome son. But then the fairy without wings was taken from him, and died under the careless hand of a pirate captain. His son was about to face the horrors of war. So Rumplestiltskin became the Dark One, and lost his son anyway. He would spend his entire life trying to make up for his mistakes, and would not rest until Belle was avenged and he had found Baelfire again. _

**Tiger Lily**

Tick tock. Tick tock. It was the only sound that comforted Belle. The water lapping against the boat reminded her that she was miles away from any shore. Footsteps below deck gave her spikes of anxiety, and she knew at any minute _he_ would come in.

She lay on her cot, watching the clock on the desk. Ever since her attempt to jump ship and swim back home failed, she had been locked up in the captain's quarters, chained to the excuse of a bed with just enough leash to move around…though not enough to reach the door. Crew members brought her meals, but if it was _he_ who opened the door…

She closed her eyes. There were only two comforting thoughts that helped her survive this hell. Her husband was alive, and he was taking care of their son. She could deal with anything if she knew these things.

There was commotion above deck, and Belle half-heartedly tried to figure out what was going on. A battle, perhaps? No, not enough steel-on-steel. It wasn't rowdy enough to be a fight… It sounded like someone had been hurt.

Footsteps came down the hall and she tensed, hoping at any moment they would end. But alas they came to the door, and it was still too far off for lunch.

Killian Jones stumbled in clutching his left hand. Correction, Belle realized; the _stub_ of his left hand. He fumbled for some bandaging in the desk drawers and applied pressure to the bleeding. Belle watched curiously, a smirk of satisfaction on her face.

He shot her a glare, "You think this is funny, then? You find it hilarious that I got what I deserved?"

Belle shrugged casually. Personally what she thought he deserved to get cut off was a little closer to his stomach and a lot more sensitive.

He finished wrapping the wound and came over to her, pale blue eyes burning with fury, "Come on, then. Let me hear you laugh. Tell me just how delicious it is to you that your ex-husband has become the Dark One and cut off my hand."

Belle's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. He sneered, "Oh, you don't know? He became the Dark One to lose his cowardice, and instead lost your son."

She felt as though she had been punched in the stomach. It didn't make sense… Rumplestiltskin had always been a kind man; how could he kill the Dark One and take his power? And Bae, how could he lose Bae, that boy meant everything to them… Her cruel captor was giving her pieces, but not the whole puzzle, and it would drive her insane.

He knew it, and he grinned, "Don't worry, love; he won't tear us apart." He reached down with his remaining hand and stroked her cheek. She longed to bite into it, make him bleed and maybe sever a tendon, "That prisoner we took a few days ago? He has a magic bean, a bean that will take us to a new land where your desperate crocodile will _never_ get to us."

He leaned down and Belle turned, trying to keep away from his hot breath. It came anyway, on her ear and on her throat, as he whispered.

"We will never grow old in this new land..." He kissed along her jaw line, "You and I will be together…forever."

A few silent tears slipped from Belle's eyes. She didn't even have the gift of someday dying to relieve her of this prison.

**III**

"She's never spoken a word," Belle heard the nurse say to someone near her door, "No one knows if she's mute or dumb."

Selective mutism, Belle mentally informed her. A vow of silence, like a nun…except she hadn't been nearly as sinless and chaste.

It was odd to wake up on dry land, even if her cot was similar. She was no longer chained but still locked up in some cell…a mental asylum, she guessed. She wasn't sure what the past twenty-eight years were about, after that terrible storm... But she hadn't seen Hook in that time, and she was grateful. Years upon years, decades piled on decades, praying that he wouldn't come to her or, if he did, that he would be done with her quickly. It had been hell, and even solitary confinement was better than being raped.

The door opened and Belle looked up to see a young woman with long dark hair, save for a streak of read. Her eyes were large and, she decided, trust-worthy. She approached Belle as if she were a wild animal.

"Hey…" She murmured. Belle blinked, "Um, this is kind of rude, but can you understand me?"

Belle nodded and the girl grinned.

"Great…anyway, I don't know how much you know about what's going on… We've been frozen in time due to a curse in a world without magic," she rolled her eyes at the silliness of the words. Belle perked up, "So, um, we're just trying to help people get with their loved ones… There's people from all different kinds of lands, Enchanted Forest, Wonderland…"

Neverland. She had come from Neverland. And if people were here from all over…

The girl furrowed her eyebrows, "Is there someone you might know here, a name you go by to check against the list of the missing?"

Belle's voice was raspy as she spoke for the first time in centuries.

"…is Rumplestiltskin here?"

**III**

Mr. Gold had flipped the sign to "closed", but hadn't locked the doors yet or shut off the lights. He just wanted a little privacy.

He pulled out an old traveler's case and undid the fastenings, lifting the lid with reverence. An old weathered book that had survived centuries due to spells and the utmost care rested at the bottom, and he took it out gently. It was the only thing of hers he still had, and he treasured it more than anything else.

He should have moved on by now; he should have found a new lover and let go of the past. He had tried…but letting go of Belle was as easy as letting go of Bae, and eventually he had surrendered to the fact that he would only have two true loves, both of them out of reach.

He opened the book to the first page and began, tracing the giant letter "A" in the middle before pointing to each picture, imagining her sounding each word out by firelight in their home.

"Apple…ass…arrow…armor…" He turned the page and smiled as he always did, seeing Bae's scribbles in the margins as he spelled out his own name. Belle had tried to teach the boy to read, but he couldn't sit still and concentrate on the letters like she could.

He went through the alphabet, skipping the "R" page. He read the sentences as haltingly as she had at first, sometimes making a mistake on purpose as she would've early on. It turned into a couple of short stories, stories that weren't as good as the oral ones they had told Bae to get him to sleep, but still more substantial than "the dog runs, the dog is running, the dog ran". He flipped back to the "R" and traced over the words in the bottom corner.

In neat handwriting, "Rumplestiltskin" was spelled out while below a much sloppier version was rendered.

" "R" is for… "Rumplestiltskin"," she had said to him proudly, spelling it out as she wrote, "R-U-M-P-L-E-S-T-I-L-T-S-K-I-N," she passed the charcoal pencil to him, "Here you try."

"No, I can't," he had insisted.

"Yes you can. Come on," she had curled her hand around his on the pencil, gently guiding him through the motions, "R-U-M-P-L-E-S-T-I-L-T-S-K-I-N. There, you did it!" She hugged and kissed him and though it was stupid, he felt so proud that he had pleased her.

He closed his eyes, the dull ache coming back. He should have tried when she was around, instead of learning in her absence. He read because that was what she loved to do, and it made him feel close to her. He had collected books over the years, growing a library that rivaled any castle's, as though such an archive would bring her from some hidden corner back to him. Now that he had money and could get her anything she ever wanted…she wasn't here for him to spoil her.

He closed the book and tucked it away again, wiping the tears away. There had never been a girl like Belle before, and he was sure there never would be again.

He glanced up from his post at the counter to see a woman outside. Why on earth was she standing in the middle of the street in the rain? That looked like a hospital gown… Was she lost, confused, a little of both? Usually Mr. Gold couldn't have cared less…but reliving that precious time in his very long life had thawed his heart out a bit, and he went to investigate.

The girl who had come to see Belle (Ruby, she had called herself) told her how to get to both Rumplestiltskin's house and his business. He called himself Mr. Gold here, and Belle thought that was the silliest thing she had ever heard. She decided, since the sun had not set yet, that she would go to his business, whatever that happened to be.

She had been watching him for the better part of an hour, staring in starvation of the man she had loved. He had become a merchant in this world, dressed as nicely as any duke and well-kept. But it was him; the limp was there, his eyes and face still as humbly handsome as she dreamed. He moved around, doing this or that, and she was enchanted by him. He had so many things to sell, and beautiful expensive things too, the things they could only gape at back in their old lives.

He probably had another wife, with so much wealth, and all the children he ever wanted. He had probably forgotten about her, maybe even about Bae. And what kind of nerve did she have, coming back to him after being with another man?

He glanced up from what he was doing and saw her. He started towards the door with his eyes on her, and all Belle could do was stand there, rooted to the spot. She wanted him to come to her. She wanted to run from him.

"Just because there's no traffic it doesn't mean you should play in the street, dearie."

Mr. Gold approached her and something made him pause. Those eyes. That face. Her hair, even as ratty as it had become. He stared, mouth slightly open as his eyes roamed over her.

"…Belle?" He asked. Her lip quivered and she nodded.

"It's me…Rumplestiltskin."

In an instant she was surrounded by him, his arms holding her as close as he could manage. She buried her face in his chest as she pressed herself against him, hardly believing that this was real.

"Belle," he sobbed, "…I'm so sorry, Belle. Please, please forgive me."

She sniffed as her own tears came.

"Only if you can forgive me…"

_And so after crossing the rivers of time and the oceans of space, the two lovers were reunited, and it was as though they had never left each others; sides. They might actually live happily ever after…_

_ …but this is certainly not the end._

**III**

JK, JK, it's totally the end of this one-shot. I kind of feel "meh" about this one; in order to keep Belle somewhat in character I had to make Captain Hook out of character, which is a tragedy because I love how hot Hook is (even if he's totally a man whore). Still, interesting enough I suppose, and I wanted to get this prompt written while the iron of "The Crocodile" was still hot. I hope you enjoyed at least.


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